I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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