I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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