the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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