the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
