Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
