After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
