Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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