haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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