Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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