Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dicks are not precious.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
