I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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