Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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