how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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