I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face