At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.