Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"