wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.