Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level