my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
