Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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