My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
