Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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