whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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