i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.