I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
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Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad