why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
