Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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