im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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