I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize