matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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