If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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