Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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