4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
