Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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