She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
