I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
