big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
