shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
time to smoke my breakfast
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
