I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize