I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
