your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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