I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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