no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
