I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
