maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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