its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
