Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize