Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Houston, we have a blender
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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