Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
