It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going