At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?