My friends, they love my intelligence
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"