he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.