it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER