The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES