Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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