I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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