Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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