Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I just put wine in my tea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
